The First Thing We Do, Lets Brew All the Coffee | Ceramic Coffee Mug

You’ve always suspected Shakespeare would have written differently with a decent espresso nearby. This Shakespeare coffee mug takes Dick the Butcher’s infamous line from Henry VI, Part 2—”The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”—and gives it the caffeinated revision it deserves: “The First Thing We Do, Let’s Brew All the Coffee.” Instead of Jack Cade’s rebel plotting revolution, you’re plotting survival before your first meeting. The wordplay honors the original’s punch while shifting the target from legal professionals to that far more universal morning adversary: uncaffeinated existence.

Shakespeare’s line comes from a scene of comic-sinister scheming, spoken by a butcher in a mob planning to overthrow order itself. Eliminating lawyers, in his mind, would clear the path to chaos. Your version acknowledges a deeper truth: eliminating the gap between waking and caffeination clears the path to civilization. Both involve removing obstacles, though yours smells considerably better and involves fewer pitchforks.

What makes this work isn’t just the clever substitution—it’s how perfectly it captures the coffee drinker’s actual priority system. Before emails, before decisions, before human interaction of any complexity: brew. Shakespeare understood power, ambition, and the urgency of first moves. You understand that the first move is always the kettle. This mug gets it, and gets you.

The details that matter:

• Available in 11 oz and 15 oz sizes to match your caffeine requirements
• Durable ceramic with vivid, dishwasher- and microwave-safe printing that won’t fade
• Comfortable easy-grip handle designed for bleary-eyed morning hands
• Premium white ceramic that showcases the quote beautifully
• Arrives ready to gift—no wrapping soliloquy required

Perfect for the English teacher who quotes the Bard before breakfast, the lawyer with a sense of humor about their profession, the theater lover whose morning ritual deserves its own dramatic arc, or anyone who believes great literature and great coffee belong on the same table. Shakespeare wrote for groundlings and nobility alike; this mug serves anyone who needs words and warmth in the same vessel.

Brew first, conquer later. Even the Globe Theatre would approve of those priorities.